My little guy is becoming quite the negotiator these days. He has learned how to use the word in a sentence. He likes to "gotiate" (he leaves off the first syllable, so adorable) a later bed time, candy for dinner, and more time with the iPad.
"My 'gotiating, mommy," he says.
This little boy even provides supporting evidence for why he should be granted the thing he is asking to receive, which is usually the fact that he has been good at school that day. He is only three years old! And he's fearless.
Negotiating is a versatile and valuable skill, but actually asking for the things we want can feel intimidating. Have you ever asked your boss for a raise? Brokered a deal with a big client? It's intense. But you can navigate this exchange smoothly (and with success!) if you have a plan that is simple to follow and doesn't rely on manipulative tactics.
The secret to negotiation success? Helping the other side win.
1. Approach the negotiation like solving a problem and look for the best outcome possible for all parties. The deal should be a win-win. Determine what you want and prepare your ask. Know the unique information and vantage point you bring to the conversation, because your counterpart isn't going to know your side of the scenario as well as you do. Details win deals.
2. Plan for the negotiation. Spend time exploring as deeply as possible the preferences and desires of the other party. You should know your own preferred outcome, but knowing what the other side is trying to achieve will help you craft a proposal that will be accepted.
3. Package up your offer. Don't negotiate issue by issue, bundle everything together. This sets you up to go a layer deeper in the negotiations very quickly, allowing you to swap issues in and out of the deal to get to your overall desired outcome. "If I give you this, then you give me that," becomes the conversation, instead of facing off repeatedly as adversaries on each separate issue.
4. Engage at the point of resistance. This means that when the other party pushes back on your ask, don't slink away ashamed or apologetic for asking. When the other person says no thanks, you then begin presenting your supporting evidence and reasons for the request. Now is the time to reiterate how you both win.
5. Know when to walk away. You should never take a deal that leaves you worse off, but inexperienced negotiators often don't plan for this possibility. Not taking a deal is a strategic move in itself, so know your bottom line and stick to it.
5. Look for ways to add value, regardless of the negotiation outcome. If you didn't come to an agreement, that doesn't mean that you won't at some point in the future negotiate with the party again. Leave on friendly terms and find a way to add value to the interaction, such as a hand written thank you note or engagement with their content on social media. If you did come to an agreement, great! The small additional gesture of offering the party something, like a referral or even a quick drink after work, will serve to strengthen your relationship and make future negotiations smoother.
We negotiate little things on a daily basis, and now you'll feel confident when the big stuff comes up with this basic roadmap to follow: Help the other side win too, know your bottom line, add value. And have fun with it!
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