Jealousy plays such a central role in the human condition that it was given its very own avatar - Shakespeare first wrote about the green-eyed monster of jealousy in 1596 and ever since it's had an ugly reputation. But it can be an incredible thing to be green with envy, as long as you know how to harness its power.

Envy is good for you

Social media has made it possible for us to effortlessly incorporate a daily practice of coveting our neighbors' accomplishments, beautiful children, hip wardrobe, or overnight-success-never-been-done-before startup. This is not going to be one of those posts about how that stuff isn't really real (it is, but filtered to appear all sparkly), nor am I going to tell you that it's unhealthy to compare yourself to everyone and everything around you. Instead, I'm here to tell you that comparing yourself to someone you admire and wanting what they have can be a GOOD thing. I'd even go as far to say that if you're not jealous of something, you need to check in with yourself and make a plan to get your envy on.

Crazy concept? Come on, it's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Yes, you're not only normal for feeling jealous, but your sometimes obsessive profile trolling could be helping you achieve your dreams, too. Before we dive into the why and how this envy is a good thing, first give some thought to these questions:

Do you truly know what you want to accomplish in this short life?
Do you have real, concrete goals?
Could you accept that the goals you have today may not be the goals you thought they were?

If your answer to any of these questions was "Weelllll, I think my goal is ____." then we're going to become best friends today. I can help you get super clear on the process of unearthing and claiming your deepest desires, and we're going to use your jealousy to figure it out.

Why I hated the startup community (for a minute)

A year ago, I was a reasonably successful marketing consultant with one of the largest media companies in Cincinnati. I was on track to make a lot of money and was in a position to rise quickly within the company hierarchy. Other people envied me. I claimed to be thrilled and living the dream. But inside, I was deeply unhappy. I should have been attending the fancy galas and schmoozing clients so I could continue my climb. Instead, I spent all my free time - ok, I spent some of my workday too - following the Cincinnati startup community on Twitter and devouring every article I could find about the goings-on of accelerators, founders, and venture capitalists. My husband was baffled by my new hobby, and honestly, so was I; Tonya Hurst had declared many years ago that business ownership was for chumps! Working for the man was the ticket to success! But for some reason, I was both fascinated by this world and so angry about it that I would actually talk smack about those crazy people known as entrepreneurs. How dare they think they could disrupt industries? What does a guy from small town USA think he can possibly create to compete with a company like Amazon? Or Google? Or Facebook? Ha! Silly, stupid people. I was so new to that ecosystem, I didn't even know that those big guys were not so long ago tiny little startups themselves. Silly, stupid me.

It took about six months to realize what was happening. It seems so clear to me now. And didn't my mother tell me this when I was a kid? They only hate you because they are JEALOUS. I was so angry that these mysterious and magical creatures were chasing crazy dreams and making incredible things happen because I wanted to be doing that myself. At the time, I was so convinced that I didn't want to be one of them that it was nearly impossible for me to see that it actually was the very thing I wanted more than anything. It was a "deep down embarrassed to admit it even to myself because my parents/spouse/boss/friends/children would think I was crazy" kind of desire. My subconscious knew what I wanted, however, and because I refused to listen, I kept seeking out a connection to the startup community that was quite torturous - all those nights spent reading about Kapture, Frameri, Lisnr, Choremonster, Strap, Ahalogy, and Roadtrippers made me so envious of their adventures, the good and the bad, that the green eyed monster was making me MISERABLE. I talked about them constantly, attended every event in the community that I could, and poked fun at those crazy entrepreneurs. If it was so stupid, why did I keep going back for more?

My moment of jealousy turned out to be the best thing ever

I can't pinpoint the exact moment that I woke up from the fog and said unapologetically "I want to start my own company!" but it did happen and I started taking steps to make that a reality. Ironically and very happily, I'm now working for one of those magical creatures I envied so much, and I'm soaking it all in (yikes, hope he doesn't read this!) Throughout this journey I've learned two very important things - the stuff that makes you feel jealous might actually be your truest desire, and jealously doesn't need to be a shameful emotion. This is really cool, because it means that feelings of jealousy can be harnessed and used to get what you want!

For all the people who struggle to find their path or identify what they are supposed to be doing with their lives, this is for you:

Reflect on your feelings of jealousy and figure out whether those emotions are really just your true self trying to tell your superficial, socially driven consciousness that this is your truest desire. If you feel jealous of it, you likely want it for yourself. Channel your jealousy into a plan of action to make your desire a reality.

Don't wallow in a jealous pity party for six months like I did, either. As soon as you realize you feel jealous, don't feel embarrassed and turn away from the emotion - examine it.

Do you hate on that person you know who just bought a rehabed building in a cool part of town? Spend some real time with yourself thinking about the root of that feeling. Do you want that place for yourself? Great! Don't feel ashamed, make a plan to make it happen.
Do you tell all your friends about that seriously insane guy at work who just up and quit to start a business selling purses for dogs? Yeah, you know what that probably means… Figure out how to make your own crazy business idea a real company!
Note: Your feelings of jealousy for someone else's stuff might not mean you want the exact thing that they have, though. Most likely you want something symbolically similar. Maybe you don't want to have your own dog purse business, but you envy the fact that the insane guy had the guts to leave his cushy job to pursue a dream. Do you have a passion that would require you to leave your cushy job? Go for it!

Jealousy is one of the most sophisticated human emotions. It's impossible to control (even Buddhist monks feel envy on the regular) but it can be steered in a positive direction. It's the root of anger and hatred, and it's always given a bad rap, but I challenge you to take a different perspective on this green little guy. Use your jealous feelings as a roadmap to better yourself and achieve your dreams. Be careful though, petty jealousy is a waste of time and makes you feel lousy on the inside. Don't let jealousy go south, instead use this gift from your subconscious as a tool and you'll soon start to see how powerful it can be to guide you towards achieving goals that truly matter to you.